Social Media Vocab: Friend
The word “friend” is thrown around a lot in the socnet space. What is interesting to me is that the new definitions sites like Facebook, MySpace and Twitter are creating seem to be spilling over into everyday life (yes, outside of social networks). Variations like “de-friend” “friend me!” and “friend request” aren’t just buzzwords on social sites–I hear them spoken aloud all the time. It’s strange. I mean, since when do you meet someone and formally request her friendship? It’s not like a proposal or something. Oh yeah, before you request my friendship, maybe you should ask my dad for permission first… So, so weird. In my opinion, the definition of “friend” has undeniably and permanently changed.
Tonight I deleted 90 “friends” from my Facebook network. I was at 1,097 friends. In my opinion, that’s pretty absurd. I don’t have that many friends! A lot of the people in my Facebook network are acquaintances, friends of friends, classmates, teammates, colleagues, family members, exes… MOST of those 1,000-something people aren’t even my friends in the traditional sense of the word. But the meaning of the word “friend” has changed, so if we met once at a party or worked on a project in class sophomore year and are connected on Facebook, I guess we’re friends. Weird, huh?
Earlier this evening, I asked my Twitter network to define the word friend. Below is a screen shot of the results:
These are some pretty good definitions, I think. But I’m not sure what a friend REALLY is anymore–all I know is that the word “friend” has been distorted because of social networks and it is often used in ways that do not reflect what we all grew up believing friendship to mean. It’s not a bad thing, necessarily–just different meanings for an old word.
Are we friends?
Now it’s your turn to take a stab at it. Give me your definition.
7 Responses to “Social Media Vocab: Friend”
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Friend is too narrow a word, too.
Is the person you go drinking with on Friday nights a friend?
Are they a better or worse friend than the friend that finds you a job?
I have many friends of varying degrees of closeness, and each serves a role in my life and I in theirs. Each has roles they’re uniquely suited for and roles that they’re completely inappropriate for. I consider you a friend, but I would not ask you to back me up in an urban warfare gunfight. I’d imagine you’d consider me something of a friend, but there are a lot of contexts in which my presence would be unwelcome.
Don’t analyze too much. Just know in your guy who goes where in your life.
Hey, sorry i got in too late on the conversation… Just for the record, or to get it out there, I don’t like “friend” in the sense that it is used on most of these sites. I have most of these people on my sites because they are people I can learn from. I don’t know them, they don’t know me but maybe we can learn from each other. I don’t know you, personally, but I follow you on Twitter because I have enjoyed reading your blog. Maybe the inserted messages between your blog post lets me know a little more about you and gives me a little better context about your posts. My friends - they aren’t on any website, really. I call them or talk to them at least once a week - I don’t need to Twitter them. Facebook, alright, there is a mix of people on there, but it is mostly like you said, acquaintances. I haven’t liked the term “friend” since it started being tossed around in the sense that you are discussing.
M2C - Chris
Are we “friends” on Twitter, though? The whole “following” brings up a different kind of language. I never say “my friend on Twitter,” I usually say, “this person I read,” which echoes Chris’s point about learning from one another in a networked space.
Oh Poop. Well, you and I are xuqa/facebook/myspace/aim/nevertalkedonthephonebutihaveyournumber-friends. The question would be, how is that different from real life? Personally, I have a lot of online friends. Some of them know enough about me to write my biography. It’s odd, but I think it’s easier to share personal details with these people you’ve never even seen in real life. Perhaps, there is a certain safety in these confessions because you don’t interact with these people in public situations where you might feel awkward a posteriori confession. Anyway, there is little doubt that online social networking and even the terminology is spilling over into “real life”. I’ve grown to despise that particular terminology by the way. “real life”. It implies that when we’re online, somehow life isn’t real? People look for jobs online, shop online, sell online, entertain themselves online, make friends online, meet romantic partners online (3 of my last 5 girlfriends I met online), and many other activities that before the internet were all conducted in “real life”. Now that we do them online it’s not real? Ok, back to my point. (I assure you there was one, but not that i’ll get to it in a reasonable amount of time). I think friendship defies pigeonholing into a simple definition. There are many layers in any relationship. I think the way we characterize our friendships is one way we define them. For example: I wouldn’t call my last girlfriend “some chick i met online”. She is simply my ex-girlfriend and the context in which we met is irrelevant to the definition of girlfriend. Another way would be how much time we spend talking to this friend. If you spend 6 hours a day chatting online, i’d say you’re pretty friendly. Another one would be the form of communication and whether your communication options evolve. Do you only talk online or do you also talk on the phone? Have you discussed meeting in “real life”? At any rate, I’ve considered this topic before Amanda. I have thousands of “friends” between all my social networking sites, but only a few dozen of them would i characterize as having any sort of relationship with. Most are just random people that add you in this bizarre race to have the most friends or at least look like they’re reasonably social people. Perhaps, some of it is status. OMFG LOOK! BRAD PITT HAS A FACEBOOK! I’M GONNA BE HIS “FRIEND!” Sorry for the caps lock there but you get my point. As for people using “friend me” outside of the internet, I’d say it was also a pop-culture phenomenon. Facebook has become a monster in short order. I remember when it was only college students. Now, your grandma is on there and fbook is linked to national political debates. How’s that for “real life”? Anyway, when we spend so much time using lol and stfu and all these little internet linguistics, it’s inevitable they are going to spill over into casual conversation without us realizing the difference. There’s a difference? Yes. I agree with you Gravel. I don’t need to formally request your friendship if we’re both at Starbuck’s and i think your legs are hot and i pretend to be interested in that social networking theory book you’re perusing and I start up a conversation. The request was implied when I approached. It is different online. No matter how hard I stare at your profile and concentrate on our friendship, I still have to click ‘add as a friend’ for it to be formal. My final thought would be this: does it even need to be formal? If we start talking regularly and getting along, we’re friends regardless of whether that social networking site classifies us as “friends”.
All that aside, the other day I helped a co-worker do some task and when we were done he didn’t say thank you. No. He actually said “ty” the internet acronym for thank you. Not Ty like a man’s name, but “t”, “y”. I lolled for a moment and then told him to stfu. We’re not really “friends”.
Thanks for your thoughtful comments, guys. Jeff- it’s been a while. I agree there are many layers and each friendship I have takes on a different flavor, shape, texture… To me, I guess “friendship” serves as an umbrella over a set group of relationships, but it seems that the umbrella is just getting bigger and bigger when it comes to the linguistics of it while the number of people I care about keeping dry isn’t growing quite as fast.
The English language is too limited for my tastes.
Friendship must be in the water… My aunt sent me this email yesterday and so when I saw Amanda’s post I thought I would share. I think it will be interesting to see how chain emails like these will change over time to include definitions of friendship that extend into socnets.
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself and doesn’t feel even the least bit weird shutting your ‘beer/ Pepsi drawer’ with her foot!
A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend shoulder is soggy from your tears..
A simple friend doesn’t know your parents’ first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after they’ve gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it!
A simple friend thinks the friend ship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend calls you after you had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!
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