Social Honeycomb

Who Even Are You? Facebook Friend Request Etiquette

Who are you people?

Over the past couple months, I’ve been getting friend requests on my Facebook profile left and right from total strangers. You may not think you’re a total stranger if you follow me on Twitter or if we have 28 mutual friends, but I have no idea who you are. If we’ve never spoken or if there is no evidence that I know you, you’re a stranger, plain and simple.

And here’s the thing: I might want to be your friend. In fact, I probably do want to be your friend. But when you request my friendship without saying how you know me, anything about a mutual contact, why you think we should connect, etc., you just look like a sketchball. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but it’s true.

Look, it takes one minute to write a little message that attaches with a friend request. If you want to be my Facebook friend (or ANYONE’s Facebook friend–this is etiquette that should be universal) spend 60 seconds saying why. However, there’s a right and a wrong way to approach this.

Examples of appropriate messages:

• Hi Amanda, I follow you on Twitter and wanted to connect on Facebook, too.
• Hey Amanda, we met at a Tweetup in Boston. It was great meeting you in person–Facebook friendship is the next logical step, right?
• Hi, I’m Friendston McFriendinator. Small world–I work with Friendiana Friendelton and she told me you’ve been buds since you were kids. She said you’re a good person to know.
• Hi Amanda, I subscribe to Social Honeycomb and think your blog is rad. Wanna be friends?

Examples of inappropriate messages:

• hi your hot LOL
• I tried poking you but you didn’t poke me back. Can we be friends now????!?!?!!
• I’m visiting Boston next month and you looked like someone who knows how to have fun, if you know what I mean…
• Hi, you said on your blog I had to do this or you wouldn’t accept my friend request. So, yeah.

You may think I’m being facetious but people really send idiotic, vapid stuff like that^.

Or worse, nothing at all.

And I’ll be transparent: I’m guilty of not saying anything with friend requests to people I don’t personally know sometimes, too. Usually it’s with someone who’s a “twelebrity” or something totally absurd and stupid to say like that, but I’m going to make sure I take my own advice from now on in all friending situations. Please, please take my advice, too.

If you’re the type of guy person who sends blank friend requests to girls people you don’t really know, take a minute and ask, “Do I want her to think I’m a sketchball?” Hopefully the answer is “NO” and you’ll send a qualifying message with that “Add to friends” clickety click.

Today’s Honey: June 17, 2008

Dance has always been an important part of my life. I start teaching my summer dance classes next weekend, and so the honey I’m sharing is a performance I love with a song I adore. I know half of you enjoy the dance videos I share and half of you probably don’t, but this is just beautiful and I hope everyone can appreciate it.

Music: “Swans” by Unkle Bob

Dancer: Lauren Garrett, Steps Dance Company

Choreography: Calen Kurka

Video Pearls of Wisdom from the Pub Club Panel

I managed to capture a video at the end of the Pub Club “Buzz Word: New Media” panel on Wednesday night, and I wanted to share it with my readers. Brian Reich set it up, asking the panelists what PR pros should read or sign up for as a final word of advice. The speakers took the prompt in different directions, and I think there’s some good insight here.

Adam Ritchie thinks you should compare your company’s blog to industry leaders’ blogs and take a look at what’s missing or where you can learn from best practice examples.

Mike Volpe thinks that beyond reading something or signing up for something, every company should blog. He thinks if your company can’t blog, there’s something wrong because you should always have something interesting to share.

Patrick Richardson recommends that PR pros use the Internet as the marketing research tool it is. As he said, your customers are out there, opting in to conversations about your brand. His advice is that using RSS feeds is a great way to listen to these conversations and learn about your consumers.

Mark McClennan feels that too many companies are mute, but that the bigger challenge at this point is too many companies are also “blind and deaf.” There are effective, free ways to listen to and learn from all the things people are saying about your clients online. He also highlights that there are tons of PR pros sharing insight and information on the Web, and it’s important not to overlook these conversations as well. His parting words: You gotta listen and you gotta see.

Also, I won a copy of Brian Reich’s Media Rules. Share in my glee!

Quickie Time: Friendships Edition

Ready, set, go!

1. Have you ever lost touch with a friend but still had things to say to them?

2. Do you have a best friend?

3. Who was your best childhood friend?

4. Are you a good friend?

5. What are the key qualities you look for in a friend?

A classic example of friendship.

A Little Feedback Can Go a Long Way…

Yesterday I had an interesting experience.

A PR professional from an agency elsewhere in the United States sent me a pitch over email for the blog. It, um, wasn’t a great pitch. The subject line was a bit confusing. She let me know she liked one of my recent blog posts but then copied and pasted some stuff from a press release that had nothing to do with what she said she liked and also nothing to do with things I write and care about. There was a big typo in there somewhere. It just wasn’t a good pitch for me.

Because I’m a PR kid and a blogger at the same time, this pitch made me upset for two different reasons. As a blogger, it was a little upsetting to receive a pitch so off the mark. As a PR pro, it was upsetting to see someone sending out pitches like this one and know she’s probably not just sending it to me. It worried me that another public relations practitioner was running the risk of getting blasted on some blog for sending spam-like and lazy emails.

I called her up.

I told her who I was and said I had gotten her email. I let her know that as a fellow PR person, I wanted to call and talk about what may have worked better for pitching me. We ended up having a great conversation about the how difficult it is to always make the right decisions when reaching out to bloggers and we discussed some better approaches. I let her know that with me, if I’m on an outreach list, but she isn’t totally sure that her news is a puzzle-piece fit for me and my blog, to just say so and be honest. I told her not to waste any minutes of her busy day writing out a big flowery pitch and including paragraphs of information. Just tell me honestly why you’re reaching out, let me know what the news is and give me a few short bullet points with things like links so I can find out more before I write back. I stressed that while this is a good approach for me, it might not work for everyone, and it’s important to remember that. It’s a good idea to reach out to bloggers you want to befriend and ask them how they’d like to be pitched (if at all) and what types of things they are open to receiving.

The thing that makes my experience interesting is that this PR pro was really appreciative of my call. It’s so rare to receive constructive feedback in this business, so I think we both hung up feeling a little better. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t threatening. It’s important to me that PR professionals improve their skills and understanding when it comes to social media. This was just one little way I felt I could help someone and by extension, the profession.

Here’s my call to action. We all get pitches we think are less than awesome, but so many people either ignore them or humiliate the person who sent them. Once in a while, give some constructive feedback. Remember that this person probably doesn’t want to annoy or offend you–they’re still learning how to respectfully and effectively reach out in this changing media landscape, and sometimes they need some pointers. Be pissed off for a minute, but then spend a minute thinking of how this PR person could have done a better job or how they could better approach you in the future. The profession as a whole will have an easier time improving and moving forward with a little guidance and a bit of feedback. You may be surprised at the difference it makes.

Five Plugged-in Dudes Get Fired Up About New Media at Pub Club

Before I headed over to the Publicity Club of New England’s “Buzz Word: New Media” panel tonight, I thought to myself, “When are we going to be able to stop calling this stuff ‘new’ and what kind of marketing/communications world would we live in that could allow that to happen?” Since you’re reading my blog right now, you’re probably at least somewhat technologically inclined, making you about 17 gazillion light years ahead of the average anyone. We tech/media geeks forget that too easily. I’m sure all the panelists would agree that we have considerable work to do before all this “new” stuff becomes widely adopted and understood. That said, I think moderator Brian Reich (EchoDitto and author of Media Rules) and panelists Adam Ritchie (Adam Ritchie Brand Direction), Mike Volpe (HubSpot), Patrick Richardson (Schneider Associates) and Mark McLennan (Schwartz Communications) gave their audience a push in the right direction.

One of the gems that stood out to me (besides the chocolate-covered raisins in my dinner package, mmm) was the discussion around being “on message.” Mike really hit the nail on the head as he explained that there’s simply no such thing as the crafted, corporate message working anymore and that “the message” is what people are saying, regardless of what you put in a PR plan or what your client’s legal team approves. I really liked that Mike took this idea one step further to say, “If you don’t like what people are saying, YOU have to change something. You have to change what YOU’RE doing if you don’t like what people have decided the message is.” I’m a firm believer in this concept, and it pains me when I hear stories about clients pulling their hair out over “this” vs. “that” word choices and ignoring what’s really being said about them on the Web. You don’t own your message, so listen to the people who are creating it and respond and collaborate accordingly.

Another key takeaway from the night was the discussion that social media tools and tactics aren’t always right for every client or in every situation. As much as we get excited about this stuff and see the value in bringing it to light for our clients, there’s no merit in rolling out a Facebook campaign or a YouTube contest if it doesn’t make sense for the goals you’re trying to achieve. The panelists mentioned that while Facebook might work for getting in front of college students, some almost-100 percentage of students also look to and trust their university papers for news. And let’s be real–no one is hosting an event with panelists getting fired up about how awesome newspapers are and fresh ways to use this sweet PR tool, but it’s good to remember that a little traditional/new mix-n-match can be the magic potion for meeting client objectives and achieving success.

Each of the panelists also stressed the importance of practicing what you preach by being engaged yourself. I really liked what Mark said about “social media finally enabling PR people to do what we’ve been WANTING to do for 100 years.” We have countless tools and opportunities to connect with people, learn new things and share interesting content, so why are so few people taking advantage?

In the car ride home after the event, Pamela Seiple, Mary Sullivan and I got to talking about the connection between online and offline interaction. In my opinion, the Web has given us a digital reflection of how social relationships exist in real life already, which makes the transitions from online to offline remarkably fluid. Brian alluded to a PR team in crisis mode taking angry bloggers offline to talk about issues as possibly revealing a flaw or failure of new media. I have to respectfully disagree. (Or honestly, maybe I just missed the point? Brian’s a soft-spoken guy.) I think taking plugged-in people offline is just an extension of the way they’re able to socialize online, and vice versa. And when bloggers and tweeple congregate offline, they’re most likely still texting, updating Twitter, sending emails–still connected to their online interactions. The fluidity of online-offline social interaction is pretty sexy if you ask me. Engage me online, engage me offline and let’s talk about online when we’re IRL and real life when we’re online.

And let’s remember: most people who are participating in this social media and social networking stuff are into the idea of engagement. These people generally want to connect, so if PR people are passing up opportunities to form relationships with the people who are driving “the conversation” on the Web (and offline!) about brands, products, public figures, whatever–they’re pretty insane.

All in all, I feel like a lot of my values and ideas about social media and its marcom uses were brought to the surface and that the overall excitement in the room tonight was promising. Every day we’re takin’ this thing closer to the future.

What do you think, boys and girls?

MarketingProfs Take Over Boston, Entertain Me at a Tweetup

A whole bunch of social media and marketing people converged on Boston over the past couple days for the MarketingProfs Business-to-Business Forum 2008. As usual in this city, there was a tweetup for the occasion and I had the pleasure of attending. Lots of familiar faces were at the Barking Crab (pronounced bahhkin krab) laughing, chatting, meeting, photographing, tweeting… you know the deal.

A few notes:

• Ann Handley is a riot. Ann, you are so much fun and I really hope we can “hook up” [her words, not mine!] in Boston sometime soon.
• I managed not to spill any beverages on Todd Van Hoosear. FTW.
• Chris Penn is pretty stealthy with that camera.
• We knew this already, but Brian Solis is a definite rock star.
• It’s impossible to talk with Steve Garfield and not smile.
• Rebecca “repcor” Corliss and Shelley “thespottedduck” Greenberg are aces at the buddy system. If you’re in Boston and don’t know these two, get on that.
• Dough’s first day at SHIFT was a thumb’s up.
• The only person who loves hugs more than I do is Joe Cascio.
• Paul Dunay is not only a great client, he’s a down-to-earth master of conversation. Great to finally meet IRL.
• Rich Krueger is a hoot. What an energetic personality. Hello, new friend.
• Greg Verdino unleashed his tongue in public… again.

UPDATE: Big shout out to long-time SHIFTer and A-Team leader Catherine Allen, for whom this was her first tweetup!

Twitter may be broken 98% of the time, but tweetups always work.

(Photo by Chris Brogan)

You Know What? My Blog Isn’t a Conversation.

I’ve read a few interesting posts about this concept recently, and I want to give my two cents. My two cents being that my blog (not all blogs necessarily) just isn’t a conversation.

Here’s how it came out after marinating in my brain: a conversation isn’t me saying something and then people lining up to give me a response. And it’s not a kissing booth. A conversation is a real-time (or close to it) dialogue where information, ideas, views and opinions are shared back and forth. To me, that’s what a conversation is.

Online, conversations are happening on Twitter, FriendFeed, Seesmic, Google Talk, ooVoo (maybe even Plurk?)–the conversation is where people can speak and respond the way we do in real life. In snippets, with others chiming in and a mutual sense of engagement on both sides.

On my blog, you can leave a comment (I always appreciate your feedback), and I might respond to it, but that isn’t a conversation. That’s not how people talk to each other in real life. In a true conversation in real life, you don’t give your big spiel and then step aside so others can give their big spiel back. That’s not a conversation. That’s an announcement. At best it’s pseudo-conversation.

Don’t get me wrong, I think blogging is a valuable form of communication that allows for a sharing of ideas has fundamentally changed (for the better) the way we create and consume media content. I just don’t think it’s a conversation. For me, my blog is more like a bulletin of announcements that encourage responses. There’s a definite two-way flow of information and ideas here, but it’s a different type of communication that I consider separate from the concept of “conversation.”

What do you think? Is your blog a conversation?

5 Products I Will Never Buy

I watch a lot of commercials and do my fair share of shopping. I see tons of products online, on TV and out and about in real life all the time. Here are 5 products I would never buy, because they’re dumb.

1. Crocs: I don’t care how comfortable they are–they look like the dopiest shoes on earth. I know in the past few months the company launched some new lines of footwear that was supposed to be more fashionable than their signature look, but I would never buy Crocs of any kind even if they looked exactly like Louboutins. Never.

2. Kinoki Foot Pads: Seriously, what? How could you even sell something like this?

3. Go-GURT: Yoplait’s Go-GURT grosses me out. What a disgusting, squishy idea for a snack. That stuff must not stay cold for very long, and warm yogurt has to be one of the worst concepts ever.

4. CDs: I think it’s funny when people own actually CDs nowadays. When I was 13, I wanted a million CDs and thought the coolest place on the planet was Newbury Comics. Not so much anymore. I would probably sooner buy a cassette just to be funny than buy a CD for any reason.

5. Clairol hair color: In August 2007, I used a dark brown Clairol hair color on my brown hair. I just wanted to take the brown a couple shades darker. It dyed my hair Elvira black and then foamed gray-purple in the shower for the next 10 days. Over the next couple months, the dye faded out of my hair in horizontally banded strips so I looked sort of like a cross between a tiger and a clown. When I spoke with Clairol’s customer service, they were absolutely not apologetic or kind to me and offered me only a reimbursement for the $9 I spent on the hair color. Absolutely terrible.

Thoughts?

Quickie Time: Fond Memories Edition

Lightning speed, answer these five questions:

1. What is your first memory?

2.  When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

3. How old were you when you decided you weren’t a kid anymore?

4.  Who would you go back and thank from your past?

5. How have you dealt with regret?